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Twas the Night Before the 2010 Winter Meetings

All of your posters here on Long Drive have ties back to a little site we affectionately know and love as PSD (aka Prosportsdaily.com). While most of the posters are like me, younger fans just graduated from college and enjoying the precious workload of the glorious temp agencies, we do have some old fucks.

One of them is known as Fred. No relation to Drop Dead Fred, but creative nonetheless. Every year, he blesses us with poems and this year may have topped the cake. I give you, Fred’s “Twas the Night Before the 2010 Winter Meetings”:

Twas the night before the Winter Meetings, and all through the halls
Not a creature was stirring, at least none with balls.
The agents were waiting, their cupboards were bare,
In hopes that the GM’s soon would be there.

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of dollar signs danced in their heads.
The hotel attendants were shining the floor,
And wondered aloud “Could the Yankees spend more”?

When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
Charlie Manuel wondered what was the matter?
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
Scott Boras, the agent, high expectations, he feared.

His clients are many, his losses are few,
Just watching him work makes you want to spew.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Yankees! Now, Red Sox! Now, Angels and Mets!
On, Phillies! On, Tigers! Lots of options, regrets!
Don’t worry ‘bout money, you have lots of dough,
Major League Baseball is rich, don’t you know?!”

For all big free agents, it’s time to get signed!
Martinez to Detroit, many think he is blind.
Why go to a town that is broken, a bust.
Mikey Illitch would say “we’ve got $80 Million, so trust!”

Cliff Lee is the prize, if you want to spend cash.
He’ll drive up the offer, barely denting NY’s stash.
He’s quite a great pitcher, but should be in Philly.
Why’d you trade him Amaro? You are so f’in silly.

OF options are numerous, cup’s filled to the brim.
Unless you want quality, then the number is slim.
What’s more important, some power or speed?
To get the best guys, your wallet will bleed.

Jayson Werth is a target, the slugger of the two,
Be prepared to pay him and deal with his hairdo.
Carl Crawford is best if you want one to fly.
But don’t come a-callin’ unless you are ready to buy.

The Yankees are humorous, where to spend all their dough.
Derek Jeter wants $150, and then there is Mo.
The question is whether they can sign them and Lee.
Another $400m to acquire all 3?

You can trade for a Grienke who has a big arm;
Unless you’re big market, who will do him great harm.
Beltre can hit, the best @ 3rd base
Will Boston resign him for a World Series Chase?

Lots of small deals, there are plenty to go.
Why spend top dollar when you can grab up a schmo?
Teams like to sign all the players they had
But Tulo ‘til ’20, are they f’in mad?

The small market team can’t compete with the rich,
They often say loudly “Son of a bitch!”
They can’t get a player to come to their home,
Regardless of location, weather or dome.

The World Series Champions are trying hard to repeat.
Signing Miguel to replace Uribe is not much of a feat.
They resigned their OF who goes by “Pat”.
With all of their pitching, no one sees wimpy bats.

Vasquez to Florida, which GM’s have won?
Adam Dunn remains standing, blotting out the sun.
Which teams go home winners, which teams go home poor.
The Phillies return to play in November once more.

Then as quick as it started, it comes to an end,
The Meetings are fruitless to all who don’t spend.
The fans are left craving, begging for more,
We complain in our websites that the meetings are a bore!

We spring to our desktops, and those on our laps,
Proclaiming “our team’s better than all of you saps”.
The last you can hear as you type and you click,
Fred says a plenty, “The Mets still suck dick!”

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  • James Niggly

    This is a corny fucking poem

  • olo567

    Awesome. Last line is the kicker.