Posts Tagged ‘LOLMets’

The Mets suffered several injuries in the raid

Ruben and the Phillies finally went and did something that I thought they had forgotten they could do, they used the waiver wire. What with Ross Gload, Juan Castro, and Drew Carpenter polluting the roster (among others), a roster move of this sort has been long overdue. I’m thrilled it happened.

I’m not so thrilled with the bounty though. Nelson Figueroa is a 35 year old, mediocre pitcher. Better options have been seemingly available like Chad Gaudin. Figueroa is likely to take the equally mediocre Drew Carpenter’s spot on the team, providing garbage innings and an arm to throw at opposing teams should more of the ‘quality’ starters get hurt. His presence on the team is likely to be brief. As Blanton, Romero, and Lidge return to the team, three of Figueroa, Bastardo, Kendrick, and Herndon have to go elsewhere. All three alternatives are better than Figgy.

In the short run, this is a fine move, it gives the Phils more depth at SP while Blanton is out. It’s a nifty little use of the 25th spot on the roster. Now Ruben has to keep his eyes open for something tastier.

I'm not gay, I'm not Dominican

For those of you who aren’t daily readers of Deadspin, I highly suggest that you start making daily visits.  Their best postings, in my opinion, are simply posting e-mails of other Deadspin faithful.

I’m not sure if what came to my mind after reading this story is considered a violation, but the first thought that came to my head was “I wonder how many dicks Jose Reyes has sucked”.

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…this is a featured headline on their ‘Official’ homepage:

Francouer Walks Twice, Injures Hamstring, Pride. Mets Staff Says Out 2-26 Weeks

LINK

The comments actually have people talking about how great a ballplayer he is.  Sure, if you compare Jeff Francoeur to me , he’s a damn good ballplayer.  When you compare him to say…I don’t know, actual major league players…he’s definitely well below average.  Mets+Jeff Francouer+website= Mega Fail

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Fuck the Mets! OH YEAHHHHH!

Seth is a real American hero. Not only is he an EMT keeping my ass safe in York, PA but also one hardcore sum’bitch when it comes to our Phils. Cut the dude and I’m pretty sure he’ll bleed in red pinstripes.

Out drinking Saturday night in Hershey, some Mets fan had the audacity to enter the same bar as our hero. Being the righteous Philadelphia sports fan he is, Seth was honor bound to go bust some balls. Decked in his finest throwback tee, Seth cut down the lowly Met fan with the same precision he uses to suture stab wounds on crack dealers in York.

After laying the verbal smackdown on the orange-wearing interloper, Seth brags of his accomplishment on Twitter:

I saw a Mets fan at the bar. I promply walked to him and said “fuck you sir”. Mission accomplished!!!!

When I issued the challenge “Video or it didn’t happen,” Seth came through and delivered big with this gem. Keep in mind, he already told the dude to fuck off, this is him going back WITH A CAMERA for more. Video after the jump…

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One fun thing about being a member of a sports forum is trolling the Mets boards and seeing what these unlovable losers are crying about on any given day. Since they have little else to talk about, except having 14 catchers, they decided to have a discussion about the concessions at Shiti Field.

Now Phillies fans, for the most part, try to stay out of the Mets forum for the simple fact that they have some mods who have a trigger happy ban hammer and enjoy stroking their internet peen. But on this fine day a member of the Phillies forum, who simply goes by “I Like The Phils”, decided to chime in on the subject with this gem:

Whatever you eat, don’t choke.

This of course netted him a two month ban. You will be missed ILTP. This ones for you.

So while we’re all well versed in the Phillies offseason moves, I’ve decided to inform and educate about what our fellow NL East rivals have been up to since September of Oh-Nine.  I’m starting with the Mets, because they’re LOLtastic.  Omar Minaya is the ringleader of the largest circus that the MLB has seen in quite some time.

Honk Honk

Their offseason will be known more for their non-moves to fix their holes, than their actual transactions.  No Joel Pinero, no Jon Garland, no Ben Sheets, no John Lackey.  Yes, they signed Jason Bay, but unless he can pitch every fifth day, his impact is going to be fairly neutral.  The pitching staff that had a combined 7.3 WAR (only above the Padres, Nationals, and Brewers) will again rely on a post-surgery Johan Santana, John Maine, Mike Pelfrey, Oliver Perez, and a fill-in youngster.  So here we go, after the jump…

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Douche of the Day: Jose Reyes

I really didn’t have to cover up the two girls’ faces but I just needed to show the contrast to the girl all the way to the right. Wow. Quite the lookers you’ve got there. Douche.

Some of you may have already read my introduction the last time Long Drive briefly opened its doors to the public.  For those of you that didn’t, rejoice! for this version is about 53% more readable.  I’m The A Team, check out my theme song and trailer.

I’ve been brought aboard mostly for my familiarity with advanced statistics and scathing indictments of the Mets.  Being a first hand witness of Omar Minaya’s bungling of a second in-division foe has been a truly rewarding experience made all the richer by the play-by-play of The Contest.  But in all seriousness, my job isn’t to be resident Mets basher.  I think Chris can handle that just fine.

I’m here to talk stats, analyze trades, ruminate on the virtues of our various prospects, second guess management, and keep up with the latest hype.  I’m really mostly here to do that first thing.  When doing analysis at Long Drive, we’re going to be using a suite of stats that the casual fan will be unfamiliar with.  I will be trying my damnedest to explain why context adjusted statistics are more useful than the standard crap on the back of a baseball card without putting you to sleep.  Along this line of thought, I will be starting a roughly weekly “primer” series on helpful stats.  I put primer in quotes because these articles will be intentionally light on math and therefore not very primer-ish.  I do this for three reasons.  First, being a liberal arts grad, my own math chops aren’t really up to snuff when it comes to doing my own analysis.  I can import an excel document into Stata and run an ordinary least squares regression on it, and that’s about the extent of my ability.  I’m not even sure why someone would do that for baseball…  Second, I’m aware of my audience.  Chris’ claim to fame is calling people douchebags.  I can’t compete with that by discussing the various subtleties of different compilations of Wins Above Replacement.  Third and perhaps most important, all this shit has been done already by people with major sabermetric chops.  Why do a poor job re-writing someone else’s work when I can link to it, pop in a quote or two, and relate it back to something relevant to us Phillies fans.

(you should click that read more button!)
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