First, a bit of news, in case you haven’t heard by now: Chase Utley will be in the lineup tonight, batting second. The National League is officially on notice.

On Saturday, we went over three of the teams currently in the playoff picture, and laughed at related Google image search results. Now, the others, after the jump.

I don't get this, but it's the best of a lousy bunch.

Cincinnati (67-51)

Schedule breakdown: 19 home, 25 away, 16 games against .500 or better

Games against Phillies: 0

Why they’re a threat: Like most people, I picked the Cardinals to win the Central. However, the only thing stopping me from picking the Reds was the fact that they employ Dusty Baker as manager. It says a lot about the man that anyone can consider him terrible enough at his job to cost his team a playoff spot from the dugout. Despite Baker’s general ineptitude, the Reds have been near the top of the division for most of the season. They hit a lot of homers, and they play great defense. Their young arms have performed well: Johnny Cueto, Travis Wood, and Mike Leake could be a great trio for years to come, assuming Baker doesn’t run them out there for 180 pitches every five days and ruin their careers. Joey Votto is the best first baseman in the NL not named Pujols, and I’ll kill any man who says otherwise. Never underestimate a baseball man-crush. Some guy named Scott Rolen is having a pretty good year. Ramon Hernandez has resurrected a flagging career. Brandon Phillips is doing his thing. There’s a lot of talent here, and if Jay Bruce and Drew Stubbs figure things out, we’re looking at a potential NL powerhouse. And their remaining schedule has more cupcakes and cream puffs than a corner bakery: seven games with Arizona, six with Houston, three with Pittsburgh, and nine with Milwaukee. After September 9, they play a whopping one team over .500: the Padres, the last weekend of the month.

Why they’re not: As much promise as the young pitchers have, they’re not there yet. The Reds’ staff has easily the worst FIP and xFIP of any contender in the Senior Circuit, and as the kids surpass their previous workloads, things could get ugly. On the offensive side, once you get past the 3-4 of Votto and Rolen, no Reds regular has an OPS above .800. Playing half their games in Great American Smallpark, you’d think they’d be a little more juiced up. Ultimately, I can’t shake the sense of deja vu that I get looking at Cincinnati; a team that hasn’t had a lot of success in recent years, but has a lot of young talent, good power, and slick gloves around the diamond. They’re more or less the Phillies, circa 2006. I just don’t think they’re ready yet.

Threat assessment: Mild. All three division races are tight, and figure to stay that way until the final weekend, so they could be a team we’re fighting for the wild-card.

That's more like it.

Schedule breakdown: 22 home, 25 away, 15 against .500 or better

Games against Phillies: 0

Why they’re a threat: Their schedule is just as loaded with patsies as Cincinnati’s is, for one. Such are the benefits of playing in the league’s shittiest (and largest) division. Beyond that, they’ve got possibly the most underrated pitcher in the game, Adam Wainwright, alongside a healthy Chris Carpenter at the top of the rotation. Colby Rasmus is one of the better young players in the game, Jon Jay might not be far behind, and Matt Holliday continues to be awesome, despite leaving the friendly confines of Coors. Also, there’s that Pujols character, and the best staff ERA in the majors.

Why they’re not: As great as Pujols is, it’s tough to be all that worried about a team when every other starting infielder they employ sports an OPS below .700. Rasmus runs hot and cold, Jay’s BABIP is approximately nine billion, and it’s impossible to overstate how terrible Skip Schumaker is. Sure, the prospect of facing Wainwright and Carpenter in the first two games of a series is scary, but that didn’t exactly work out great for St. Louis last year. Jake Westbrook has pitched well since arriving from Cleveland’s annual Trade Deadline Pitcher Bonanza, but Jaime Garcia has regressed to the mean, hard, and looks to be tiring in his first full season. This is what fantasy nerds experts would consider a classic “stars and scrubs” roster. Pujols, Holliday, Rasmus, Wainwright, and Carpenter are great players. Jay and Garcia might be, but are still unknown quantities for the moment. Most of the rest are garbage. Everyone remembers Holliday’s drop in Game 2, but the Cardinals mainly lost that series because once you got past the big guns, their repertoire was empty. That hasn’t really changed.

Threat assessment: Minimal, but a bump to moderate if we draw them in the opening round. Even rational fans like myself would be shitting their pants if Brad Lidge were facing Pujols in the ninth with the game on the line.

Colorado (61-56)

Schedule breakdown: 23 home, 22 away

Games against Phillies: 1 (Sept. 2)

Why they’re a threat: You might be wondering why the Rockies are on this list. Of the bubble teams, I consider them the best, and the most dangerous. Coming into the season, I fully expected another October showdown with them. Remember, they were one out away from forcing a Game 5 in the Division Series last year, and Hamels was in line to pitch that game. Who knows what might have happened? Thankfully, we didn’t have to find out, but there’s still a lot of talent on this roster, even if inconsistency and injuries have plagued them. Phillies fans are intimately familiar with Carlos Gonzalez, who has continued to terrorize pitchers in his sophomore season. Troy Tulowitzki is his usual awesome self. Ubaldo Jimenez has come down hard from the high of unsustainable rates, but he’s still one of the best pitchers in baseball. And we all know

Why they’re not: Their rotation behind Jimenez is in shambles. Aaron Cook and Jeff Francis are hurt, Jason Hammel’s been mostly lousy aside from a ridiculous June, and Jorge de la Rosa is still working his way back from a finger injury that cost him over two months. Many of the regulars suffer away from Coors, against lefthanders, or both. They’re one of the worst defensive teams in the league. Plain and simple, this is a team with a lot of flaws.

Threat assessment: Probably minimal, but since I’ve been trumpeting them as a sleeping giant for months, I can’t really stop now.

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