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LOLNatinals
March 11th, 2010 | 
Author: 
Fail
Well, since I promised to cover ALL the NL East teams, I suppose I have to take a trip down I-95 to cover the Nationals. They’re like the fat kid you grew up playing sports with. Bless their hearts, they try their best… but you know eventually they’re going to be sucking wind within 5 minutes, or blowing chunks on the side of the field.
Granted, they are getting better. They have the tools to possibly pull 70-75 wins out of their collective asses. But will that be enough to drag them out of the NLE basement? Did Grizzly Adams have a beard?
Behold, the power of beard.
Let the pain begin:
Additions (‘09 WAR):
- P Brian Bruney (-.1)
- OF Jerry Owens (0)
- C Ivan Rodriguez (.8)
- P Ryan Speier (0)
- P Joel Peralta (0)
- P Jason Marquis (3.8) -> HA
- P Eddie Guardado (-.4)
- 2B Eric Bruntlett (-1) -> FOR THE WIN
- 1B Josh Whitesell (-.4)
- P Matt Capps (-.4)
- LF Chris Duncan (-.4)
- P Tyler Walker (.2)
- P Miguel Batista (.1)
- 2B Adam Kennedy (1.7)
- CF Willy Taveras (-.3)
- P Chien-Ming Wang (.1)
Subtractions:
- C Josh Bard (.5)
- P Livan Hernandez (1.7)
- RF Austin Kearns (.2)
- P Saul Rivera (1.3)
- P Mike MacDougal (-.3)
Totals: (3.7) – (3.4) = +.3 wins
This offseason deserves a giant facepalm, because it essentially accomplished nothing. Now, I understand that not everyone that I listed on the additions will play, unless Bruntlett can use his magical beard powers to somehow find a spot on the bench. Regardless, what did it accomplish?
Congrats, Nats. You picked up a catcher who is a decade past his prime, a pitcher who stumbled onto a career year in Colorado, and a decent option at 2B. Impressive.
The Nationals are now going to have to rely on having full years out of midseason acquisitions like Nyjer Morgan, and finally sticking Adam Dunn at 1B, where he won’t be a complete fuck-up.
But with a rotation filled with #5 types, a bullpen with no chance at being even serviceable, and an offense that isn’t total dogshit… they’re not coming out of the cellar.
So here’s to you Natinals, the laughingstock of the NL East. When will Strasburg be ready to go?
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Strasburg and Storen should give a nice giddy up to the rotation and bullpen respectively. I haven’t quite given up on Elijah Dukes becoming a slightly below all-star caliber player and let’s face it, a rotation filled with #5 types is a huge upgrade from last year’s product.
Once Strasburg is in tow, I will be tempted to call their rotation better than the Mets. Johan’s the only reason I refer to Mets starting pitching as a rotation…god what an awful group of pitchers.
Saul Rivera was worth 1.3 wins in 2008. Last year he was worth (-0.5) wins. So they actually improved by a couple wins using that method of looking at it.
I honestly don’t think the Natinals are as bad as most people believe. They’re still the worst team in the East, but they should win 70-plus games.
If they somehow find a way to make the Mets finish last in the NL East I’ll buy a Bruntlett Nationals jersey.
Their offense is good enough to shit out a few wins they shouldn’t have, so I don’t think a 72-90 record is out of the question. But they certainly don’t have the pitching to compete worth a shit.
Eric Bruntlett