It’s the sort of thing that is much more likely to happen in fantasy baseball than in real life, but according to sources, an idea has been kicked around the Phillies’ organization internally, with discussions about proposing a swap of slugger Ryan Howard for St. Louis superstar Albert Pujols.

!!!!!!!!!!

It’s not fully clear whether the Phillies actually have approached the Cardinals with the idea, and even if St. Louis were to seriously consider such an offer, executives with the Cardinals would have to swallow very hard before dealing Pujols, a player widely regarded as the best in the sport. Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro flatly denied that the internal discussions have taken place. “Lies,” he said. “That’s a lie. I don’t know who you’re talking to, but that’s a lie.”

Ruben’s denial, of course, tells us absolutely nothing. GMs are never honest or candid with the media about personnel decisions, at least, not successful ones. And while Olney’s article comes with a slew of caveats – he admits that this is strictly a wisp of a rumor of an idea that may have possibly been discussed by someone who perhaps works in the Phillies front office – the man’s track record leads one to believe that he’s not simply blowing smoke. It’s not unheard of for a generally reputable journalist to pretty much make shit up in the interest of generating a story.

Olney points out that as insane, fantasy-land, video game trades go, this isn’t the most ridiculous idea. Pujols and Howard are both hitting free agency in 2011. Howard is going to get mad cash, of course, but Pujols can justifiably demand that a team make him Oprah-rich, or at least pay him like A-Rod. St. Louis might view Howard as a better bet to re-sign. He’s a local boy, which would probably make serious headway toward the public relations fallout that dealing Pujols would cause. Amaro served as the assistant GM under Pat Gillick, who has pulled off this kind of trade before, and let’s not forget that he did just orchestrate a historic series of trades this winter.

Whether or not there’s anything to this, I can’t tell you. It’s awful hard to get the genuine scoop from down here in my mom’s basement. What I’m interested in is picking my jaw up from the floor long enough to speculate on the logistics of such a deal, and what it would mean for the Phillies going forward, besides being fucking awesome.

The likelihood of a one-for-one swap is nonexistent. There would have to be more going to the Cardinals. Pujols is damn near twice as valuable as Howard. If Amaro somehow talks John Mozeliak into giving up Pujols for Howard straight up, either he’s a wizard or he gave Mozeliak the date-rape drug. Possibly both. Also, I would do the following things:

1. Name my firstborn son “Ruben Amaro III”.
2. Construct a shrine in his honor.
3. Write a Part IV for my “Evaluating Amaro” series that consists solely of the words “you,” “win,” and “master.”
4. Swear my undying allegiance to the Amaro family, while possibly emancipating from my own family and trying to join them.

Again, it ain’t gonna happen. So what would we be giving up? Probably way too much. Domonic Brown is a given, along with whoever else the Cards like best in our system. Maybe Victorino, or Blanton. Maybe even Hamels. The price could conceivably be lowered if St. Louis got a guaranteed extension for Howard as a condition of the deal, like we did for Halladay. But teams simply don’t trade the best player in baseball for pennies on the dollar. It just doesn’t happen. I mean, for Christ’s sake, some Phillies fans are still bitching about having traded Lee. Multiply that by about a zillion and add infinity, and you’ve got an idea of what reaction in St. Louis would be like if the Cardinals traded Pujols for anything less than the ransom of several kings. I don’t even know if Cards fans would accept any package for him. Yeah, they don’t run the team, but pissing off the entire fanbase is generally not a savvy move. From a pure baseball perspective, Howard + Brown + another valuable piece is a reasonable offer, but “reasonable offers” and “fair value” are almost nonentities when you’re talking about dealing off the face of your franchise and one of the best hitters in the history of baseball.

Just for the sake of pleasure, let’s envision what our everyday lineup would look like if we managed to add Pujols without giving up a significant major-league piece outside of Howard: Rollins, Utley, Werth, Pujols, Ibanez, Victorino, Polanco, Ruiz. That’s just not fair. Granted, we’d likely have gutted the farm and quite probably screwed ourselves beyond 2010, but, I mean, look at that lineup. Jesus.

It’s almost certain that nothing will come of this, but hey: We can dream.

Not much Phillies stuff to talk about today other than Kendrick turning in another solid four innings in a 4-3 loss to the Orioles, so here’s a picture of Jayson Werth stroking his glorious beard in deep thought.

Pictured, second from left: Danny Bonaduce, pre-steroids.

My relationship with J.A. Happ, if you will, has been an interesting one. I’ve been a fan of his since his minor-league days, telling anyone who would listen that he would eventually be a quality big-league pitcher. When he got his shot in 2008 and pitched well, I extolled the virtues of letting Jamie Moyer walk and replacing him in the rotation with Happ. I believe I was called a moron for this more than once. As it happened, Happ ended up competing with Chan Ho Park for the final spot in the rotation last spring. Park, being a veteran, a righthander, and inexplicably promised a fair shot at the rotation when he signed, only needed to pitch reasonably well in spring training to win the job. He did that and more, and Happ, who pitched well in his own right, was banished to the bullpen.

Nearly two months of Park stinking up the joint ensued before Charlie Manuel finally put Happ in the rotation where he belonged, and Happ put up one of the most impressive rookie seasons in recent Phillies history, going 12-4 with a 2.93 ERA, finishing second to Chris Coghlan in Rookie of the Year voting. A funny thing happened then: I, perhaps Happ’s most fervent supporter mere months before, found myself tempering the wild enthusiasm of casual fans, who were penciling Happ into future Cy Young ballots. As you’ll see after the jump, this is just a tiny bit ridiculous.

Unlike Joe Blanton, Happ’s peripherals tell a pretty straightforward story. His .270 BABIP was low, his 85.2% strand rate was unsustainably high, and the 1.40 difference between his ERA and FIP was by far the highest in the majors. All this points to a guy benefiting from good defense and some luck. So the question isn’t whether or not Happ will regress, but rather how much. For his part, Happ is understandably a little miffed at people like ESPN’s Keith Law, who referred to him as “a raging fluke,” whose success was a result of “luck, not skill”:

“I’m not going to take too much out of it. I mean, it’s a little bit disrespectful to assume everything was luck last year. I think it’s very hard to have a full year in the big leagues and be lucky. But I guess it’s on me to show.”

In a solid piece earlier this month (warning: do not read the comments, unless you like idiotic ramblings) , Daily News beat writer David Murphy wondered if Happ’s “feel for situational pitching” might not be accounted for by advanced metrics. After all, a major component of FIP is walks, and all walks are weighed equally. Not a bad theory, especially since his strikeout, walk, and line drive rates do trend in the right direction in high-leverage situations; however, his insane .141 BABIP is not supported by batted ball data. Additionally, Happ’s strikeout rate dropped and his walk rate rose with men on base versus his marks with the bases empty; another unsustainable BABIP (.207) would seem to be the reason for his considerable success in that regard.

Back in early August, when Pedro Martinez’s arrival raised the question of who should be booted from the rotation, I took a look at Happ’s performance to that point:

A funny thing’s happened over the course of the season, though – Happ has gotten better. After a pair of awful interleague starts, he sported an FIP around 5, a 1.26 HR/9 and a cringeworthy 4.42 BB/9. His traditional numbers were solid, but more advanced metrics foretold dark days; the aforementioned numbers and a BABIP hovering around .220 spelled doom, or at least a considerable regression. Eight starts is still a pretty small sample size, but even taken with a grain of salt, Happ’s improvement is notable. In those 58 innings, or almost exactly half his season total, Happ has cut his homer rate in half, shaved three walks per game off his average and upped his strikeout rate for good measure. This has helped him avoid a regression as his BABIP has begun to normalize.

Happ’s ERA in September was just south of 5.00. The typical, traditionalist explanation for this was a rookie getting tired – which might have held some water, had Happ not struck out nearly a batter per inning and walked only two per nine in those four starts. What really happened was a huge spike in homers allowed and BABIP. Ironically, Happ’s xFIP of 3.57 for the month was easily his best of the year.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na HAPPMAN!

Happ is undeniably talented. His 6-6 frame and deceptive delivery reputedly make his 90 MPH fastball look more like 95 to hitters. He also has a good cutter and changeup, and an occasionally effective curve. His minor league track record, apart from a 2007 season in which he pitched through elbow trouble, is a good one. Happ is not an ace, but he’s also not Kyle Kendrick. He’s a good bet for an FIP in the low-to-mid 4.00s. Will he repeat last season? Doubtful. But just like Blanton, we don’t need Happ to be an ace, just a solid mid-rotation pitcher. He’s more than capable of that. A league-average pitcher is still a valuable commodity, especially if he’s cost-controlled. And at just 27 and in his second full season, it’s not unreasonable to anticipate some slight improvement in his peripherals. Even if not, Happ should be an asset to the Phillies going forward.

You could make him a Phillie

As promised, today I’m going to be looking at trade opportunities to cut payroll in 2011.

For the purpose of this analysis, I’m going to assume the Phillies exercise buyouts on Juan Castro and JC Romero giving them 7 mil to play with over 6 roster spots.

When creating an unrealistic “let’s trade X, Y, and Z for all your base”-type discussion, it’s important to play the game with players who actually have value in trade.  This means moving them should provide us some payroll relief while their contracts shouldn’t be such that we can’t get anything in value back.  I will not condone Luis Castillo for Jason Heyward speculation.  If the following appears absolutely impossible then I didn’t do my job.

The 2011 roster has three players that fit the criteria: Cole Hamels (1 year, 9.5m with a final arb year), Shane Victorino (2 years, 17m), and Ryan Howard (1 year, 20m).

With the dearth of starting pitcher options on the immediate horizon, it’s unlikely the Phillies can afford to part with Hamels.  However, if they’re looking for prospects, Hamels is the piece that’s going to bring in oodles of top talent.  An unexpected breakout season from Phillippe Aumont could change things considerably or they could pursue a package that includes a serviceable 5th starter as filler.  It’s unlikely Hamels will be shopped, but I’m not ready to dismiss the idea entirely.  Moving Hamels would open up about 16.5m for 7 spots, although the return for Hamels is likely to include pieces to slot into one or more of those spots.

Trading Howard opens up a lot of payroll, allowing management to comfortably re-sign Werth and try to add the poor man’s Ryan Howard, Carlos Pena.  However, the window to trade Howard has passed.  In 2011, his contract will not hold much surplus value, meaning that the return for a player of his caliber would be quite small.  With free agency looming for a ton of talented 1b in 2012, teams might choose to hang onto their prospects.  Adrian Gonzalez may still be on the trade block and Lance Berkman will either be on the block or a free agent, making Howard plan C for the few high payroll clubs that might be interested in him.  Success trading Howard opens up 27 mil to spend on 7 roster spots, although the return is likely to be a cheap, mediocre player that fills one of those spots.

Victorino on the other hand has the potential to be fully expendable.  A 2010 breakout year for Gillies in AA/AAA could have him ready to man CF.  Even if he’s not quite there, it’s easier to approximate Victorino’s value with a Francisco/Player X platoon than Werth’s.  And Werth has the defensive chops to get by in centerfield while we wait on Gillies.  With Vic gone and internal options covering the position, the Phillies would have 14.5m to fill 6 roster spots.  The return for Vic is likely to be minimal, perhaps a decent, cheap pen arm.

As a final note on the trade front, what about trading all of them?  A fresh pen arm for Victorino (ML minimum, 6 years of control), a decent #3 starter for Howard (say 4m, 3 years of control), and a full net of booty for Hamels (let’s speculate and say Justin Smoak and some live project-type arms) would result in a marginally weaker 2011 roster and an incredibly lethal, cost controlled 2012 unit.  That’s about 40 mil left to spend on 3 roster spots giving the team the ability to sign Werth AND a front line SP like Brandon Webb.  The biggest problem with this plan?  I left the realm of plausible reality for MVP2005 about 75 words ago.  Planning to trade 1 of those guys for a reasonable return is a pragmatic attempt to eek out some room in the budget.  Planning to trade 3 popular players for highly directed bounties is just unwieldy and unlikely.  I doubt Ruben has the cojones it requires to deal those players (although a top prospect like Smoak along with Werth and Webb might dampen the complaints).

Honestly, I’d love to see this scenario play out as it would keep the Phils competitive in 2011 and dominant going forward (a lineup with Gillies, Utley, Werth, Smoak, Brown, Rollins, Polanco, and Ruiz looks ridiculous), but the best way to see that happen is to mod your MVP2005 rosters to the most current available at mvpmods.com and make the trades yourself.  It’s not impossible, a creative GM like Billy Beane or Theo Epstein would probably be itching for the chance to couple an older core of Utley, Werth, and Rollins with a young core including three very good prospects, but it remains to be seen if Ruben has either the desire to go that route or the blessing of management to mess with a good thing.

Since apparently doing a series of posts has become the thing lately here at Long Drive I figured I should do one as well. These series of posts will have my predictions of the Phillies player’s WAR and whatever other random stats I might feel like predicting. For pitchers I will do WAR and ERA. I’ll probably drag this out a little and break it into sections so I don’t do one incredibly long post. Said sections being: starting rotation, bullpen, infield, outfield, and finally bench.

Let me also start by saying I have little to base these predictions on and these predictions are just that, predictions. First up: starting rotation, except for 5th starter because really it will probably be several people this year. So follow me after the jump for what I expect from our starting rotation  in 2010.

#1 Pitcher: Roy Halladay

Avg WAR Over Past 3 Seasons: 6.8 WAR

Avg ERA Over Past 3 Seasons: 3.09 ERA

2010 WAR Prediction: 7.8 WAR

2010 ERA Prediction: 2.40 ERA

Reasoning: I, obviously, expect Halladay’s first year in the NL to be a very successful one. His WAR the past 3 seasons has been 5.6, 7.4, and 7.3 respectively but I see him racing Utley to the end for an 8 WAR. He won’t quite end the season with an 8 WAR like most Phils fans would hope but I think he will come damn close. The ERA prediction reasoning is a simple one, his ERA will be lower than Johan Santana’s was in his first year in the NL. Yea, I’m a “hater”.

#2 Pitcher: Cole Hamels

Avg WAR Over Past 3 Seasons: 4.1 WAR

Avg ERA Over Past 3 Seasons: 3.60 ERA

2010 WAR Prediction: 4.8 WAR

2010 ERA Prediction: 2.98 ERA

Reasoning: I think Hamels is in line to have his best year yet. He didn’t have as terrible year last year as everyone makes it out to be, the peripherals were all there and he had some bad luck on BABIP. Hamels best WAR was, not surprisingly, in ‘08 when he had a 4.6 WAR and I see him passing that this year slightly. By slightly I mean only a 0.11 drop in ERA and a 0.2 raise in WAR. I’m so high on Hamels this year just from the stories of his work ethic this off season and the addition of his cutter. I may be lost in the sauce a bit but so be it, I’m on the Hamels bandwagon.

#3 Pitcher: Joe Blanton

Avg WAR Over Past 3 Seasons: 3.3 WAR

Avg ERA Over Past 3 Seasons: 4.23 ERA

2010 WAR Prediction: 3.5 WAR

2010 ERA Prediction: 3.96 ERA

Reasoning: TheRuckus went over the enigma that is Big Baby Blanton recently and I pretty much agree with him completely on what he projected for Blanton in 2010, a 3.5ish WAR and an ERA close to 4. He probably will never be as good as he was on ‘07 or as bad as he was in ‘08 for that matter, but I think he is somewhere in between those two years and is a solid #3 option for the Phils. Like Ruckus said, fortunately for us we don’t need him to be an ace.

#4 Pitcher: J.A. Happ

Avg WAR Over Past 2 Seasons: 1.1 WAR

Avg ERA Over Past 2 Seasons: 3.13 ERA

2010 WAR Prediction: 2.1 WAR

2010 ERA Prediction: 4.25 ERA

Reasoning: Yes, Happ is due for some regression this year after his 2009 rookie campaign described so lovingly by Keith Law as “A raging fluke driven by an unsustainable performance with men in scoring position that was about luck, not skill.” but I don’t think it will be as bad as most people do. Placed in the 4th slot in the rotation Happ is definitely serviceable here and one hundred percent better than what some other teams use as a 4th starter *cough* OLIVER PEREZ! *cough*. If he eventually gets pushed to the 5 spot by a mid-season pick up (Cliff Lee) then he will be even better. Just kidding about the Clifton thing, calm down. But if he’s available…AH nevermind. Also Happ is the subject of my best MSPaint work EVAR.

Take a look:

First off, why keep Jayson Werth?  After all, we’ve already observed that the Phillies have a strong outfield and with the tight 2011 payroll, it will take a lot of creativity to keep Werth aboard.  For 2011, Shane Victorino and Raul Ibanez are signed on the dotted line with Ben Francisco, Tyson Gillies, Quintin Berry, and John Mayberry Jr. competing for the 3rd spot and bench options.  Gillies will be the eventual winner with Brown starting to push him by the end of the season.  Looking outside the organization, outfield is incredibly deep and future all-star outfielders are non-tendered or otherwise let go all the time by the Dodgers. Perhaps I should open up a roster slot for Xavier Paul now.

And the newest Phillie is...

The reason to keep Werth around is simple, he’s good at everything.  The man is the second most dynamic player on the roster behind shoe-in Hall of Famer Chase Utley.  He can run, throw, field, hit, work the count, and take a pitcher deep.  In fact it’s tough to pick out any flaws with Werth.  He has a checkered health history, although his injuries resulted from physical trauma, not poor conditioning or a run down body.  In fact, as a result of his injuries, his body has far less mileage on it than most 30 year olds (31 on May 20).  Aside from that, he’s merely above average against RHP and does take a healthy number of strike outs. Looking at his skill set, the only comparable player is Alex Rodriguez. While Werth only truly bests ARod in the underrated facial hair category, it’s safe to call him the second most well rounded player in baseball.  If you just focus on the description and last two years of work, Werth looks like a guy who should be earning a Matt Holliday like contract.  That we may be able to extend him for considerably less is all the more reason to be interested in keeping him.  But how do we do that when there’s practically no payroll available in 2011?

Yesterday, we took a look at the 2012 payroll, noting that if they stuck with the $140 mil payroll ceiling, the Phillies have 35 mil to spend on a 1b and a PH.  They could opt to force Kyle Kendrick out of the rotation with a pitcher signing or waste it in the bullpen.  We also took a peek at that free agent class, noting the depth on the 1b side and the shallowness at SP.  Given that, it might be best to avoid the pitching targets and budget 20 mil for a premium 1b.  With this year to year plan in hand, the payroll is a solid 15 mil below the ceiling.  This is where Werth fits in.  A 2012 Phillies team with Werth is a team without Shane Victorino (9.5m).  That means that 24.5 mil of funds would be available to Werth. Why not use them? Why not present Werth the opportunity to help the club pay him.  A contract that breaks down as 5/22/16/16 gives him an AAV of 14.75m, probably about the cost and years he’s looking for to stay.  If that’s not palatable to Werth, Ruben, or ownership, there are a number of creative ways to defer cost.  A simple deferral could turn a 12/16/16/16 contract into a 4/17.6/17.6/17.6/1.6/1.6 deal over 4 years (that’s 8 mil deferred in 5 annual installments).  A longer deferral period could be named for more money or varying amounts could be applied.  Another pseudo-deferral is the signing bonus.  An 8 mil signing bonus (with deferment) would change how the contract is treated on payroll, giving Ruben some legroom in ‘11 via the accountant.

The lesson here is not to instruct Ruben on how to do his job, it’s to point out that if the club really wants Werth and really plans to move forward as the dominant force of the NL, the flexibility is there to sign Werth without making any further changes.

Also donuts. OM NOM NOM

The major angles being covered on the Phils’ rotation in spring training are Roy Halladay being ridiculously good at baseball, Cole Hamels’ return to form after a nightmarish postseason, and the competition for the final spot. Receiving minor attention is J.A. Happ’s quest to build on his overachieving rookie year. Nobody is really talking about Joe Blanton, however. I understand why: He’s viewed as a steady workhorse, a guy who will give you a solid, unspectacular 200 innings every year. Guys like Blanton are sort of like oxygen – it’s important, but you generally don’t notice it until it’s gone. As our third starter, he’s a pretty vital cog, and will be through 2012, thanks to the extension he signed  in January – and a close look at his 2009 performance raises a lot of interesting questions about what we can expect from our favorite Kentucky-fried righty going forward. Check it out after the jump.

Coming into last season, I expected good things from Blanton. His 2007 (3.50 FIP, 5.6 WAR) was unlikely to be repeated, or even approached, but I anticipated a better year than the one he’d put up in 2008. In April, he posted a disgusting 8.41 ERA and 6.00 FIP, averaged just five innings per start, and gave up six homers in only 20 1/3 innings; however, he also struck out nearly a batter per inning and his command was solid. The primary culprits for this “horrendous” start: a ridiculous .420 (!!!) BABIP and 22.2 HR/FB percentage. While many fans were quick to panic, I remained confident that Blanton would bounce back – and intrigued by his sudden leap in K rate.

On May 26, Blanton started a home game against the Marlins with an ERA of 7.11. He went seven shutout innings, striking out 11 batters, a career high, and only the second time he’d reached double digits in a game. Blanton pitched at least six innings in all but two of his next 14 starts, allowing more than three runs only once. His final 23 starts, he had a 3.16 ERA, but again, a deeper look at his play yielded some interesting results:

Looking at monthly splits is a tricky proposition, of course; there’s so much opportunity for craziness in such a small sample that it’s difficult to draw any real conclusions. As any sabermetric enthusiast knows, there are only a few things a pitcher can truly control: strikeouts, walks, and home runs. Blanton’s strikeout rate steadily dropped each month before spiking in September. His walk rate also shot up in the final month, after plunging below 2 in the previous two months. His homer rate spiked again in June, but was otherwise more or less normal. The steady decline in strikeouts would seem to indicate that his early prowess in that area was unsustainable, yet his worst month in that regard was still well above his career rate coming into the season.

A quick look at his Pitch F/X data gives us something of an idea, though. His velocity is pretty consistent with previous years. His contact and swing rates didn’t change dramatically. The biggest change was the effectiveness of his fastball, which was 17 runs worse than it had been in 2008. But Blanton, after four scoreless innings against the Tigers today, credited his changeup. “It was a really big pitch for me. It’s a big pitch in today’s game – it really keeps hitters off balance. Last year, I used it against righties and lefties both and it helped me out in a lot of situations when I didn’t have a good curveball or a good slider. I was able to get them out on changeups and it helped out a lot last year.” Blanton’s changeup was indeed more effective last year than ever before, worth 11 runs above average, and his slider was much improved over the previous season. However, in 2007, his slider was one of the best in baseball, his changeup was almost as good as this past year, and he had a plus fastball – yet his K/9 was a pedestrian 5.48 that season.

WTF, Chubs?

Confusing, no? I was about ready to throw my hands up, Buddy Boy style, when I remembered Occam’s Razor: The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Perhaps Blanton owes his extra strikeouts to the simple fact that he moved to the National League. Sure enough, the big guy fanned 9 hole hitters 38 percent of the time, easily his highest rate against any spot in the lineup (Next highest: 24.4 percent of No. 3 hitters, though they OPSed 1.000 against him.) His K/9 with the Phils in 2008 was 6.75 – not the pace he set in April and May last year, but more or less in line with the other months. Without any other reasonable explanation that can be proven, it can be concluded with relative confidence that JoeBla’s just taken advantage of the lack of a DH over here, where we play real baseball.

Overall, Blanton’s K/9 last season was 7.5, nearly a 50 percent increase over his previous career high. Is it sustainable? Not entirely. But a 7.00 K/9 is above average, and not unreasonable to expect. Assuming Blanton’s elevated homer rate regresses to the mean, he should turn in a FIP around 4 and and an ERA slightly below that. That’s roughly a 3.5 WAR season over 200 innings, or over a win better than his production in 2009. No, Blanton won’t likely be partying like it’s 2007. But fortunately for us, he doesn’t have to be an ace.

This weekend, I’ll take a closer look at what you should expect from J.A. Happ this year.

Fail

Well, since I promised to cover ALL the NL East teams, I suppose I have to take a trip down I-95 to cover the Nationals.  They’re like the fat kid you grew up playing sports with.  Bless their hearts, they try their best… but you know eventually they’re going to be sucking wind within 5 minutes, or blowing chunks on the side of the field.

Granted, they are getting better.  They have the tools to possibly pull 70-75 wins out of their collective asses.  But will that be enough to drag them out of the NLE basement?  Did Grizzly Adams have a beard?

Behold, the power of beard.

Let the pain begin:

Additions (‘09 WAR):

• P Brian Bruney (-.1)
• OF Jerry Owens (0)
• C Ivan Rodriguez (.8)
• P Ryan Speier (0)
• P Joel Peralta (0)
• P Jason Marquis (3.8) -> HA
• P Eddie Guardado (-.4)
• 2B Eric Bruntlett (-1) -> FOR THE WIN
• 1B Josh Whitesell (-.4)
• P Matt Capps (-.4)
• LF Chris Duncan (-.4)
• P Tyler Walker (.2)
• P Miguel Batista (.1)
• 2B Adam Kennedy (1.7)
• CF Willy Taveras (-.3)
• P Chien-Ming Wang (.1)

Subtractions:

• C Josh Bard (.5)
• P Livan Hernandez (1.7)
• RF Austin Kearns (.2)
• P Saul Rivera (1.3)
• P Mike MacDougal (-.3)

Totals: (3.7) – (3.4) = +.3 wins

This offseason deserves a giant facepalm, because it essentially accomplished nothing.  Now, I understand that not everyone that I listed on the additions will play, unless Bruntlett can use his magical beard powers to somehow find a spot on the bench.  Regardless, what did it accomplish?

Congrats, Nats.  You picked up a catcher who is a decade past his prime, a pitcher who stumbled onto a career year in Colorado, and a decent option at 2B.  Impressive.

The Nationals are now going to have to rely on having full years out of midseason acquisitions like Nyjer Morgan, and finally sticking Adam Dunn at 1B, where he won’t be a complete fuck-up.

But with a rotation filled with #5 types, a bullpen with no chance at being even serviceable, and an offense that isn’t total dogshit… they’re not coming out of the cellar.

So here’s to you Natinals, the laughingstock of the NL East.  When will Strasburg be ready to go?

One fun thing about being a member of a sports forum is trolling the Mets boards and seeing what these unlovable losers are crying about on any given day. Since they have little else to talk about, except having 14 catchers, they decided to have a discussion about the concessions at Shiti Field.

Now Phillies fans, for the most part, try to stay out of the Mets forum for the simple fact that they have some mods who have a trigger happy ban hammer and enjoy stroking their internet peen. But on this fine day a member of the Phillies forum, who simply goes by “I Like The Phils”, decided to chime in on the subject with this gem:

Whatever you eat, don’t choke.

This of course netted him a two month ban. You will be missed ILTP. This ones for you.