Archive for the ‘Phillies’ Category

I decided to have a round table of sorts with some other fun people who enjoy going about their daily business with their pants off. I’ve compiled a series of questions that will break this team down and by the time you are done reading you’ll have a good idea of what team we’ve got. We’ve assembled around the table that Cliff Lee left all that money on this winter and we’re ready to party. The participants are:

Cranekicker of Crane Kick Chronicles

Steve @Estebomb and Max @uublog of Fire Eric Bruntlett

Coal Hammels enthusiast @FanSince09

Justin @TBOHBlog of That Ball’s Outta Here

Jeff @Utley4God

Ryan @petzrawr aka @Sl_JonHeyman (RIP)

and resident douche, Danny Cohen @dmc0603

Here we go.

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The Phillies have announced that their Sunday, April 3rd game against the Houston Astros will be the first dollar battery day of the season. It is expected to be one of several in 2011.Various brands and types of batteries are expected to be available at most vendors ranging from tiny Triple-A batteries to those typically found in motor vehicles.

The promotion was announced just two days after Astros utility scrub Bill Hall declared Phillies starting pitcher Cole Hamels “a marked man.” When asked about the coincidental timing, Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. smugly declined to comment.

The popular game day promotion was last held on August 10, 1999 when the St. Louis Cardinals visited Veterans Stadium. At the time, club officials adamantly denied that the promotion had anything to do with J.D. Drew’s inaugural visit to Philadelphia.

In a separate announcement, the Phillies also declared the April 3rd game a “security holiday.” All security personnel will have the day off.

The popular thing these days is picking against the Phillies not only for the National League, but for the NL East. Apparently the Phillies have the oldest average age of any team in the MLB. Is that why talking heads are picking against the Phillies? Nope. They are picking against the Phillies for made up reasons that they think will make them look brilliant. So the following is a transcript of what I hear when I watch Baseball Tonight on ESPN.

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Domonic Brown is now 0-12 in four Spring Training games. This means there is a 99% chance that he is a bust. I leave one percent open because I believe I can fix his swing. Twelve at-bats is more than enough to show that moving his hands and holding the bat lower will not work. Therefore, fire Greg Gross and hire me instead. If you are listening Domonic, here are three tips that will undoubtedly turn you from Steve Jeltz into Willie Mays.

Tip 1: Hold the Bat with 12 Fingers.

Antonio Alfonseca’s historic career included 2 hits in 14 at-bats at the plate. Make this adjustment Dom, and you are guaranteed to go 2 for your next 2!

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If you’ve spent any time reading anything on Bleacher Report, you know that it is probably the worst sports website in the history of the Internet. As such, making fun of the excrement it unleashes is like shooting fish in a barrel, except easier because the people who write for them would probably lose a battle of wits to a fish. But I read these two shitstains articles (in my defense, I was excruciatingly bored at work and the topics sounded at least somewhat more interesting than staring at the wood grain on my desk for an hour, or doing actual work) and I feel obligated to mock them because that is my instinctual response when my intelligence is insulted.

In the interest of time, I will suppress my inner English major and not ridicule the grammar, syntax, or vocabulary present in these pieces. (Because there aren’t any of those things! Zing!)

…Sorry. Anyway, follow the jump.

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Last night, Stephenie Kendrick broke the exciting news on her facebook. She’s preggers with KK’s baby! As reported by Philly.com on Tuesday,

“Kyle and I are so HAPPY to announce that we are expecting:-)!!!! We are due September 8th and couldn’t be happier! I feel great can’t believe 3 months flew by already 6 more to go!!!”

The Happy Couple

Seriously Kyle, congratulations.

Pitchers & Catchers have finally reported and it’s time for Spring Training 2011!

Countdown to Opening Day: 45 Days!

In a recent interview with Phils director of public affairs, Scott Palmer, Roy Halladay confirmed something for us. Everyone hates Kyle Kendrick.

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12 days until Spring Training! As the Phillies look for their 5th straight division crown, 3rd W.S. appearance in 4 years, and 2nd Championship under the current regime; we must consider how lucky we are to be witnessing this era of Phillies history. The roster heading into ST is probably the best in franchise history. But where do our current players rank at their position? Do any have the credentials to be considered the best in the 127+ years of Phillies baseball? Let’s take a look:

Will Chase one day have his own statue outside CBP?

To be eligible, a player needs to have played at least 7 seasons with the Phillies and can only be considered at his main position.

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First Basemen: Dick Allen

Seasons with Phillies: 9

Career Numbers: .292/.378/.534, 351 HR, OPS+ 156, wOBA .402, WAR 67.9

Allen had the talent to be the third best first basemen of all time (behind Gehrig and Pujols), but injuries, attitude, and general controversy led Allen to an early decline. We could devote an entire blog to the events surrounding Allen’s career. It’s not often you have a player with such a career line, yet the general consensus is “What if?”

Honorable Mention: Ryan Howard. He would need to produce at high levels for quite a few more years though.

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