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Derp.

via High Cheese

“…I got a long text message from him last night booing me, in classic Philly style. He was upset. But hey, that’s how it works sometimes. Business is business. I think he was half kidding. I told him he could still have been on our club if he accepted arbitration.”

Oh Jayson.  Thanks for your time here, but GTFO.  You could’ve stayed and reaped the benefits of, you know, actually winning a game here or there.  Grass isn’t always greener outside of Philly.  Sowwy, Charlie.

HOLY SHIT

IT’S OFFICIAL.  THERE IS A GOD.

5 YEARS.

According to David Murphy, Jimmy Rollins had something like this removed from his wrist. He’ll be fine for Spring Training (only about 2 months and change, thank God).

They apparently used to call this a “bible cyst” back in the day, since the treatment used to be hitting the cyst with a bible (or any non-denominational, nonreligious, fairly large book). Hopefully modern medicine has improved since then.

My best guess is that they did this: Jimmy Rollins Surgery

Ross Gload, we hardly knew thee

Oh Twitter, how you are easily duped.

As some of you know, we’re kind of a bastard offspring of The Fightins, which was the best damn Phillies sports blog the world has ever seen. Ryan Edmud, late of The Fightins as well as this here blog, punked  all of Twitter last night, including Michael Kay, host of the Michael Kay show on ESPN 1050 in New York, and several baseball writers.

Heyman later posted:

Some sick fake person tweeted under a name close to mine that greinkes going to phils. Not true. Not even close to true

While some are just simply “appalled” that someone could possibly do this to their beloved Twitter, I say bravo.

@ChrisSteuber asked a hypothetical trade scenario. Why he would do this, since he is a football “guru” is beyond my comprehension, but he had this asshattery to say:

#Phillies fans would you trade Chase Utley to #Astros for Hunter Pence + prospects, move Polanco to 2nd base & sign Adrian Beltre?

I’ll post up some Twitter responses later. Ugh.

This is a lifelike portrait.

I’ll be updating this today to list all of the jokes I found on Twitter regarding the signing of this no-necked LOOGY, who shares a name with a mediocre chain restaurant. $1.1 million with a mutual option for 2012, y’all!

@loqiel – Breaking: Phillies will give Dennys Reyes the Jobayashi physical where he is required to eat ten hot dogs in a minute

@cranekicker – Like leaving Vegas with *just* herpes, Phillies likely to leave winter meetings with just Dennys Reyes

@tommy_bennett – Asked how he pronouces his name, Reyes once told the Cardinals beat writers, “It’s Dennys, like the restaurant.” http://3.ly/UvTf

@Kyle12888 – Dennys Reyes to Philly. Boy are the Philly area restauants EXCITED!

@jrfinger – Disappointed the nickname “El Guapo” hasn’t been tagged on Dennys Reyes

@waverider15 – Dennys Reyes’ nickname is “The Big Sweat.” He’s the new Tyler Walker.

@PhillyGameday – A tale of two physicals: Dennys Reyes and Carl Crawford.

@c_r_evans – I trust Charlie Manuel to fix Dennys Reyes’ swing.

As many in the blogosphere already know, the Phillies have supposedly kicked the tires on one Donald Zackary Greinke. CSN’s Jim Salisbury first reported it here. For the price of your entire farm system, you could have a right-handed version of Cole Hamels.

My fears with Greinke is that due to his past history, he’ll turn into Brendan Fraser’s character in “The Scout” and climb up onto the roof of CBP during the World Series.

Yup.

All kidding aside, I do appreciate Ruben’s enthusiastic approach at bringing in talent. It’s encouraging to know that we’re not twiddling our thumbs, which is more than Ed Wade did. Haven’t heard prices from the Royals, but it’s initially thought that they would need a king’s ransom to move him (or essentially whatever is left of our farm system). Doubtful that anything serious will happen, but bravo to Ruben for at least giving it the old college try.

According to Yahoo! Sports, Werth may need to lose the beard.

“The team policy is, facial hair is OK, but it’s got to be groomed,” Rizzo said Monday night. “It’s got to be nicely … professionally groomed.”

Good thing he won’t have to grow a playoff beard in Washington.

7 years. $126 million. Washington Natinals.

Can’t really blame the guy for cashing in on his only opportunity as a free agent. He never really had a true free agency period, since he was pretty much an unknown before the Phillies gave him a second chance in the majors. We all knew this was coming, especially after his breakout 2009, followed by declining the Phillies extension offer this past summer. Still doesn’t make the sting feel any better.

We knew the Nationals were going to at least attempt to make a big move this offseason, but few probably took them seriously. You’re not making the playoffs in the foreseeable future, especially if Strasburg is done until 2012. So why overbid on a free agent that’s going to make a minimal impact on your current team? Losing Adam Dunn hurt, but replacing him Werth isn’t magically going to equal wins. They gain 1.1 WAR from last year… yippee!

It’s really Ruben’s fault for letting it come to this. Rather than continuing Gillick’s plan (signing under the radar players – Dobbs, Werth, Durbin, club friendly deals – Rollins, Utley), he has constantly bid against himself on free agents and current players. His biggest mistake is always being ready to offer one too many years (Lidge, Moyer, Ibanez, Blanton), which has now spilled over into our ability to keep key pieces on our team (Werth, Lee). We could have had Werth if we really wanted him, but Ruben’s too nearsighted to plan ahead for the future. We’re officially losing the 2nd best OF in all of baseball (15 WAR over his last 3 seasons), because Ruben’s about a proficient at managing salaries as Andy Reid is at managing the clock.

Blame Ruben’s inability to be even a competent general manager, not Werth’s decision to leave.

All of your posters here on Long Drive have ties back to a little site we affectionately know and love as PSD (aka Prosportsdaily.com). While most of the posters are like me, younger fans just graduated from college and enjoying the precious workload of the glorious temp agencies, we do have some old fucks.

One of them is known as Fred. No relation to Drop Dead Fred, but creative nonetheless. Every year, he blesses us with poems and this year may have topped the cake. I give you, Fred’s “Twas the Night Before the 2010 Winter Meetings”:

Twas the night before the Winter Meetings, and all through the halls
Not a creature was stirring, at least none with balls.
The agents were waiting, their cupboards were bare,
In hopes that the GM’s soon would be there.

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of dollar signs danced in their heads.
The hotel attendants were shining the floor,
And wondered aloud “Could the Yankees spend more”?

When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
Charlie Manuel wondered what was the matter?
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
Scott Boras, the agent, high expectations, he feared.

His clients are many, his losses are few,
Just watching him work makes you want to spew.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Yankees! Now, Red Sox! Now, Angels and Mets!
On, Phillies! On, Tigers! Lots of options, regrets!
Don’t worry ‘bout money, you have lots of dough,
Major League Baseball is rich, don’t you know?!”

For all big free agents, it’s time to get signed!
Martinez to Detroit, many think he is blind.
Why go to a town that is broken, a bust.
Mikey Illitch would say “we’ve got $80 Million, so trust!”

Cliff Lee is the prize, if you want to spend cash.
He’ll drive up the offer, barely denting NY’s stash.
He’s quite a great pitcher, but should be in Philly.
Why’d you trade him Amaro? You are so f’in silly.

OF options are numerous, cup’s filled to the brim.
Unless you want quality, then the number is slim.
What’s more important, some power or speed?
To get the best guys, your wallet will bleed.

Jayson Werth is a target, the slugger of the two,
Be prepared to pay him and deal with his hairdo.
Carl Crawford is best if you want one to fly.
But don’t come a-callin’ unless you are ready to buy.

The Yankees are humorous, where to spend all their dough.
Derek Jeter wants $150, and then there is Mo.
The question is whether they can sign them and Lee.
Another $400m to acquire all 3?

You can trade for a Grienke who has a big arm;
Unless you’re big market, who will do him great harm.
Beltre can hit, the best @ 3rd base
Will Boston resign him for a World Series Chase?

Lots of small deals, there are plenty to go.
Why spend top dollar when you can grab up a schmo?
Teams like to sign all the players they had
But Tulo ‘til ’20, are they f’in mad?

The small market team can’t compete with the rich,
They often say loudly “Son of a bitch!”
They can’t get a player to come to their home,
Regardless of location, weather or dome.

The World Series Champions are trying hard to repeat.
Signing Miguel to replace Uribe is not much of a feat.
They resigned their OF who goes by “Pat”.
With all of their pitching, no one sees wimpy bats.

Vasquez to Florida, which GM’s have won?
Adam Dunn remains standing, blotting out the sun.
Which teams go home winners, which teams go home poor.
The Phillies return to play in November once more.

Then as quick as it started, it comes to an end,
The Meetings are fruitless to all who don’t spend.
The fans are left craving, begging for more,
We complain in our websites that the meetings are a bore!

We spring to our desktops, and those on our laps,
Proclaiming “our team’s better than all of you saps”.
The last you can hear as you type and you click,
Fred says a plenty, “The Mets still suck dick!”