Archive for March 14th, 2010

Fuck the Mets! OH YEAHHHHH!

Seth is a real American hero. Not only is he an EMT keeping my ass safe in York, PA but also one hardcore sum’bitch when it comes to our Phils. Cut the dude and I’m pretty sure he’ll bleed in red pinstripes.

Out drinking Saturday night in Hershey, some Mets fan had the audacity to enter the same bar as our hero. Being the righteous Philadelphia sports fan he is, Seth was honor bound to go bust some balls. Decked in his finest throwback tee, Seth cut down the lowly Met fan with the same precision he uses to suture stab wounds on crack dealers in York.

After laying the verbal smackdown on the orange-wearing interloper, Seth brags of his accomplishment on Twitter:

I saw a Mets fan at the bar. I promply walked to him and said “fuck you sir”. Mission accomplished!!!!

When I issued the challenge “Video or it didn’t happen,” Seth came through and delivered big with this gem. Keep in mind, he already told the dude to fuck off, this is him going back WITH A CAMERA for more. Video after the jump…

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So much for a lazy Sunday. ESPN’s Buster Olney just dropped a goddamned bomb.

It’s the sort of thing that is much more likely to happen in fantasy baseball than in real life, but according to sources, an idea has been kicked around the Phillies’ organization internally, with discussions about proposing a swap of slugger Ryan Howard for St. Louis superstar Albert Pujols.

!!!!!!!!!!

It’s not fully clear whether the Phillies actually have approached the Cardinals with the idea, and even if St. Louis were to seriously consider such an offer, executives with the Cardinals would have to swallow very hard before dealing Pujols, a player widely regarded as the best in the sport. Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro flatly denied that the internal discussions have taken place. “Lies,” he said. “That’s a lie. I don’t know who you’re talking to, but that’s a lie.”

Ruben’s denial, of course, tells us absolutely nothing. GMs are never honest or candid with the media about personnel decisions, at least, not successful ones. And while Olney’s article comes with a slew of caveats – he admits that this is strictly a wisp of a rumor of an idea that may have possibly been discussed by someone who perhaps works in the Phillies front office – the man’s track record leads one to believe that he’s not simply blowing smoke. It’s not unheard of for a generally reputable journalist to pretty much make shit up in the interest of generating a story.

Olney points out that as insane, fantasy-land, video game trades go, this isn’t the most ridiculous idea. Pujols and Howard are both hitting free agency in 2011. Howard is going to get mad cash, of course, but Pujols can justifiably demand that a team make him Oprah-rich, or at least pay him like A-Rod. St. Louis might view Howard as a better bet to re-sign. He’s a local boy, which would probably make serious headway toward the public relations fallout that dealing Pujols would cause. Amaro served as the assistant GM under Pat Gillick, who has pulled off this kind of trade before, and let’s not forget that he did just orchestrate a historic series of trades this winter.

Whether or not there’s anything to this, I can’t tell you. It’s awful hard to get the genuine scoop from down here in my mom’s basement. What I’m interested in is picking my jaw up from the floor long enough to speculate on the logistics of such a deal, and what it would mean for the Phillies going forward, besides being fucking awesome.

The likelihood of a one-for-one swap is nonexistent. There would have to be more going to the Cardinals. Pujols is damn near twice as valuable as Howard. If Amaro somehow talks John Mozeliak into giving up Pujols for Howard straight up, either he’s a wizard or he gave Mozeliak the date-rape drug. Possibly both. Also, I would do the following things:

1. Name my firstborn son “Ruben Amaro III”.
2. Construct a shrine in his honor.
3. Write a Part IV for my “Evaluating Amaro” series that consists solely of the words “you,” “win,” and “master.”
4. Swear my undying allegiance to the Amaro family, while possibly emancipating from my own family and trying to join them.

Again, it ain’t gonna happen. So what would we be giving up? Probably way too much. Domonic Brown is a given, along with whoever else the Cards like best in our system. Maybe Victorino, or Blanton. Maybe even Hamels. The price could conceivably be lowered if St. Louis got a guaranteed extension for Howard as a condition of the deal, like we did for Halladay. But teams simply don’t trade the best player in baseball for pennies on the dollar. It just doesn’t happen. I mean, for Christ’s sake, some Phillies fans are still bitching about having traded Lee. Multiply that by about a zillion and add infinity, and you’ve got an idea of what reaction in St. Louis would be like if the Cardinals traded Pujols for anything less than the ransom of several kings. I don’t even know if Cards fans would accept any package for him. Yeah, they don’t run the team, but pissing off the entire fanbase is generally not a savvy move. From a pure baseball perspective, Howard + Brown + another valuable piece is a reasonable offer, but “reasonable offers” and “fair value” are almost nonentities when you’re talking about dealing off the face of your franchise and one of the best hitters in the history of baseball.

Just for the sake of pleasure, let’s envision what our everyday lineup would look like if we managed to add Pujols without giving up a significant major-league piece outside of Howard: Rollins, Utley, Werth, Pujols, Ibanez, Victorino, Polanco, Ruiz. That’s just not fair. Granted, we’d likely have gutted the farm and quite probably screwed ourselves beyond 2010, but, I mean, look at that lineup. Jesus.

It’s almost certain that nothing will come of this, but hey: We can dream.

Not much Phillies stuff to talk about today other than Kendrick turning in another solid four innings in a 4-3 loss to the Orioles, so here’s a picture of Jayson Werth stroking his glorious beard in deep thought.