Today the Phillies signed Jonathan Papelbon to a 4 year $50,000,058 contract. Yes, there apparently was an extra $58 thrown on for the hell of it. This all but guarantees Ryan Madson will not be back, even after hearing the Phils and Madson agreed to a 4 year $44M contract

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Let’s Catch Up

Dinner is served in the Madson household.  Mozart’s ‘Serenade in G’ plays soothingly in the background.  The decor features several exotic mounted animal heads; a rare painting or two; and in the next room we can see the music is not coming from a stereo system, but an actual man dressed up as Mozart, exhausted, but still playing

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Some People Are Pretty Excited About Ryan Madson’s Free Agency

Sometimes being a sports fan makes you sad. This is a basic fact of sports fandom. You watch a team all year (or all decade, or all your life), building up expectations for a desired outcome, and when they fall short of that outcome, it hurts

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Leave Shane Victorino Alone, Goons

I was asked to write an end of the season Detention Lecture for the 2011 Philadelphia Phillies over at my favorite baseball blog, Big League Stew. So I did.

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2011 Phillies Detention Lecture at Big League Stew

This is perhaps the greatest photograph ever taken with a cell phone: (Special thank you to @Hadji484 for taking the pic and Dan Gross for RTing it)

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Ryan Howard riding around Whole Foods Market on a Rascal

1.  Be Depressed Look, it makes sense to be depressed after a loss like this.  Don’t stifle yourself by pretending to be an adult!  Let those tears flow, like the self-entitled child you are! But the important thing to remember is that you are not actually a child, and you can do things that children can’t, like drink.

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Let’s All Have Our Reactions to the Phillies’ NLDS Loss

If anyone needs me this week, I’ll be at the beach singing my heart out to the ocean. Feel free to join me, especially if you have a very deep voice and a cane.

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Pain In My Head. Oh, I’d Rather Be Dead.

Listen. I don’t care who the Phillies are playing tonight, or who is pitching for them. They have to face ROY HALLADAY . The best pitcher in baseball.

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NLDS Game 5: Phillies vs Cardinals

Deep within Citizens Bank Park, Chase Utley sits in a darkened video room, intently studying Chris Carpenter. He shifts his hips back and forth and flicks his wrists, simulating his swing.

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Ace on Fire

Those pesky shadows at Busch Stadium are causing havoc for everybody, including center fielder Shane Victorino who evidently tripped and fell on this one. Props to @dhm for the cap. See it in slow-mo and more after the jump, yo

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Watch Shane Victorino Trip on a Shadow